Patters (In Memorium)

Alright, folks stop scrolling, because you’re about to witness fashion and philanthropy history. Up for auction is this truly sensational, lovingly commemorative, astonishingly green T-shirt dedicated to the legendary Patrick Campbell, known to the police as Patters.

But wait, did someone say "legendary"? Indeed we did! This tee, or one that looks like it, is rumored to have been personally worn* by none other than Patters himself. During what the medical community will in time describe as a "life-event" amount of hot sauce consumption as part of the infamous Ingestion Brewing Game! *May not actually be true. But wouldn’t it be cool if it were?

And speaking of unforgettable, let's talk about that color. Feast your eyes on Patters Green™, a hue so genuinely dazzling, vibrant, and uniquely delightful that it's currently patent pending! No, really—our legal team is actually trying to patent a color as we speak (they promised they're almost finished).

But wait—there’s more (4XL more)! This luxurious, spacious, and maybe-one-of-a-kind commemorative tee has enough room for all those coveted signatures from the brave (and slightly questionable) participants of the legendary Ingestion Brewing Game! That is, of course, assuming we remember to actually ask them to sign it.

Who crafted this wearable masterpiece, you ask? Oh you didn’t? Well this is awkward, our lawyers (remember them) say we’re obligated to tell you it was Nashable, who spent literal minutes mastering tutorials on Gimp (yes, that's seriously the real name of actual software, look it up, actually on seconds thoughts don’t) to produce this touching tribute. Masterpieces don’t just happen, friends, they take minutes of dedicated tutorial-watching effort.

Why should you bid right now? Support Charity: Every cent goes directly to a fantastic cause. This tee doesn't just make you look great; it literally makes you a better person. Limited Edition: Only one opportunity (probably) to own a shirt with this much sentimentality, Patters-related lore, and patent-pending green fabulousness. Patters Approved Apparel: It's practically memorabilia! (May not actually be Patters approved but who could disapprove of this level of fashion and fun?)

Act fast! Bid now before someone else claims their rightful place in history (and wardrobe supremacy).

 Let’s make charity, hot sauce, and questionable software mastery unforgettable. Bid boldly, generously, and fashionably!

You should only bid on this item if you are present at Final Three Con 2025 and are available to pick it up personally. Proxy pick-up will not be permitted for this item.